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:icondamnedlostsoul: More from damnedlostsoul


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Submitted on
August 29, 2007
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As the leaves touched the ground
tears fell from my eyes.
For I have seen what I've become,
the progress of what I am.

I am like a tree in spring
whose leaves brought shade to all.
And as I greet my dearest sunshine
I smiled at how I withstood the fall.

I am like a tree in summer,
basking under the mighty sun.
Celebrated life and its glory
by sharing life and making memories.

I am like a tree in autumn
whose leaves slowly withered.
Yet as my leaves kissed the soil,
a thousand friends I have garnered.

I am like a tree in winter,
blistered by the freezing cold.
But never did I give up hope
I know spring is my home.

Through the seasons I have learned
that our life is like a tree.
Though the winds could bring us down
These winds breathe life into our stories.

And as the leaves touched the ground,
a smile flashed from my lips.
I am glad of what I've become
and the process of becoming it.
An entry for :iconfotofriday:'s anniversary contest.

Inpired by [link]

Category : Open
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:iconsumirehana013:
sumirehana013 Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2007
I really love this! :D the words were well-chosen and the message of this poem was really striking! :D

5 claps for ~damnedlostsoul
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
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:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2007
hahaha... five claps nga...

salamat...
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:iconamanda-san:
Amanda-San Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2007  Hobbyist Photographer
Through the seasons I have learned
that our life is like a tree.
'Cause though the winds could bring us down
These winds breathe life into our stories.

My favorite verse. :)

I really like the connection you make throughout this poem as people are trees- it makes a lot of sense. We are indeed trees, and our seasons reflect our emotions and vise versa. This one also reads very very well.

If I were to make any even slightly negative comment, it would be about your use of the word "because". I think the 'cause abbreviation is a little cliche.
Reply
:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2007
glad you liked it....

would it be better if I remove the word 'cause?
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:iconamanda-san:
Amanda-San Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2007  Hobbyist Photographer
Hm. It just might. All up to you though.
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:iconrenegade-hamster:
Renegade-Hamster Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2007
Ha. Really good rhythm, you've created beautiful similies.
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:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2007
Thanks for the fave. Ive spent two hours or so on this one... :p
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:iconrenegade-hamster:
Renegade-Hamster Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2007
It shows. It's really well constructed.
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:iconeldris:
eldris Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Your art has been featured in *TalentHaven's monthly article: [link] :love:
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:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2007
Once again, a million thanks to you. :)
Reply
:iconsolitarychild:
SolitaryChild Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
so meaningful. amazing with words and meanings, almost made me cry.
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:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007
thanks for the fave... and for the lovely comment... i hope youre feeling better now... :hug:
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:iconsolitarychild:
SolitaryChild Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome. yeah, I'm okay.
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:iconchugglepuff:
chugglepuff Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007
Great extended metaphor (English GCSE strikes again), good luck in the contest!

A few things: please, please, PLEASE change all the "coz"s for "'cause"s. "Coz" erodes my soul. There's an "i" in the 2nd stanza that should be "I". "A thousand friends I have garnered" I would prefer as "I garnered a thousand friends", as there didn't appear to be any rhyme scheme (I couldn't see one...) it shouldn't upset the poem too much. The lines with "the progress of what I am" I would prefer as "the progress of becoming it", but I'm not sure, that's just an idea.

"Kissed the soil" and "though the winds could bring us down/ These winds breathe life into our stories" are especially lovely.
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:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007
:hug:

from now on, I promise to you that I will refrain from using "coz" anymore... :D ... well, using it does sound informal and lessens the emotions of the poem... it's just that I'm used to using it since my first poem... I'm too lazy to write the full word... :p... but then again, I promise you that I will avoid using it... :)

with regards to "A thousand friends I have garnered", I tried to make it rhyme with "whose leaves slowly withered" so that the verse would sound better...

much thanks to the last suggestion... I have chosen to use "the progress of becoming it" for the last line as it would give the poem a better ending... thanks for the suggestion... :) I really appreciate it...
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:iconchugglepuff:
chugglepuff Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007
D'oh! Having looked at it again, it should possibly be "and the process of becoming it". I don't know, I really need to stop being so dopey.
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:iconchugglepuff:
chugglepuff Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007
:hug:

Thank you! My soul may last a little longer...

That rhyme went straight over my head :) I am not awake today.

My pleasure! I'm glad it was helpful!
Reply
:icondamnedlostsoul:
damnedlostsoul Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2007
:D... I edited the last line again... :p... I think it is a lot better now... :)
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